Tuesday, April 22, 2014

you'll know

"can you please put that away? i'm scared." - a person on the subway, to another person on the subway, holding a shitzu wearing a 'service dog' jacket

there's a market for everything these days!


on the a train, reading the new testament over a stranger's shoulder, i counted the word 'jesus' used seventeen times on one page.

the new testament must be mostly about jesus--in the same way that sex in the city is mostly about carrie bradshaw.


have we gotten lazy with the design of the fork?  is there an innovate way to alter the design of the fork to make it more effective? 


Saturday, April 19, 2014

we here highly resolve

"jump and the net will appear." -my dad, and probably originally someone else 


they really get you with the 'chia seeds'.

"and a little bit softer now"

when newly in love,
it is more difficult to get ready for bed.


all i want for easter is nice abs.

Friday, April 18, 2014

sugar coated rasins in float in my cereal

"it was the most amazing tasting almond i've ever eaten." - my friend, about raw sprouted almonds

the sun was shining on the purity diner today.

found: lime-flavored greek yogurt


frozen grapes,
implies forsight.


why isn't there a better mechanism with which to clean a cheese grater?  i sincerely believe that, by this point in human history, we should have developed a better mechanism with which to clean a cheese grater.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

think of me fondly

"i'm glad mitt romney didn't win because my mom says that he wanted to take away the cat in the hat." - the six-year-old that i babysit, during an unrelated conversation

guess what an almost-empty subway car looks like!

"hold onto me"

you are the person sitting at the table drinking margaritas.
you are the person standing next to the table serving margaritas.


"a nascent aroma"

when the little boys mother came home, he ran over to the babysitter and shouted,

if i were a girl, i would want my baby to come out of my vagina. i wouldn't want them to cut a hole in my stomach and pull it out that way.

and the mother blushed.


what is the best food to eat before you have sex? 

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

fake mad leads to real mad

"love, even if it ends, you're going to be okay." - the woman i let cut me in line for the bathroom at a mexican restaurant in soho

this is what a child's birthday party on manhattan looks like.

even in spring, it's okay to blue

"real voodoo"

the sound

of a group of six-year-olds

running toward a shattered piƱata 

is the sound

of a group of adults

running on broken glass.


100% chance of rain today.

Monday, April 14, 2014

i'm all alone, there's no one home

"happy monday!" - no one

things change.

"we're taking this a little too far"

some mornings,
you wake up looking a certain way
and feel beautiful.

some mornings,
you wake up looking that same certain way
and feel repulsive.

and one morning you won't wake up.


being gay is great! and i hate buzzfeed.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

martyr to midwife

"the question is not, can they reason? nor, can they talk? but, can they suffer?" - jeremy bentham

let the karmic cycle of losing sunglasses begin.

amazing day to be a pigeon!

"it's just a shot away"

at first i thought

'break ups are hard.

it must be terrible to go through that


as i stared back at gwenyth paltrow

on the cover of us weekly.

then i thought

'it must be nice

to be wealthy.'


today, someone told me that i was doing a great job. it's not important what that was in reference to.