"he's gone, but he's still with me now." - an eighty-two-year-old woman in a workshop i am teaching, about wearing her husbands scarf
sometimes poop is so stereotypical.
used record player on the street in brooklyn? too easy!
"i forgot to brush my teeth"
i'm sitting on the subway riding to park slope from time square and i notice i lost my notebook. i notice an email on my phone telling me i will owe three hundred and fifty dollar loan payments every month for the next twenty years. i notice that the person sitting across from me is glaring because i am stress eating my bag of lays potato chips too loudly. i notice that none of the songs passing through my earbuds into my brain are offering me any respite of tranquility. then, somehow, i notice a particle of dust drifting across my plane of vision iside the subway car.
it is dancing in the breezeless chamber, propelled forward and backward and upward and downward by the momentum of the jerky c train. it is floating like it is in the ocean. it is flying like it is a tiny bird in a vast, unobstructed sky. it is in direct relation to the movement of the subway and the people on the subway, but it holds command of its movement. it seems conscious. it has a sense of humor.
my eyes strain to keep track of the transluscent speck as it circles around the metal support poles in the center of the car. i lose it for a second as my vision refocuses when the train freezes at the next stop. but once the doors close and we resume our speed, the particle regains its vitality. i spot it ambling past the advertisements for discount dermatologists on the wall.
is it a flake of skin? or a speck of fabric? is it a piece of food that someone coughed up, or the tip of a feather from a molting pigeon?
and i remember for the first time since i woke up this morning while being held tenderly in the arms of a naked someone-else how anxious i felt when i woke up this morning being held tenderly in the arms of a naked someone-else.
"do you know that if finding nemo was real, and it actually happened with real fish, the father would have turned into a girl when the mom dies." - the check out person at duane reade, to their co-worker
who cut down annie's tree??
"don't let them in"
i guess people do all sorts of things when they are by themselves.
the eleven-year-old that i babysit likes to smell the pages of books when he thinks no one is watching. i know this because while i was being paid to watch him, he was in the kitchen thinking that no one was watching him. he sat at the kitchen table with some pretzels and cheese. he swallowed a lactaid pill. he took a bite of his snack while he thumbed through a stack of books on the table. he opened up an over-sized anthology of garfield comics. he flipped to a page in the center. he leaned his head back, then buried his nose into the book's spine, taking a long inhale before turning the page for the next plunge. he repeated this gesture seven or eight times, taking bites of pretzels and cheese intermittently.
i thought no one was watching me all day. i wonder how many people saw me masturbate.
"i know i speak for everyone standing behind me." - brad pitt, accepting the academy award for twelve years a slave
three friends, hanging out.
"if a then b"
i don't think that a shower is a particularly erotic place.
it's erotic insofar as it is not a bed. and having sex anywhere that is not a bed for some reason has an edge to it even though fucking is one of our most basic animal instincts and literally no other animal on earth has sex in beds other than humans. but aside from that, when i am in a shower i am not feeling particularly erotic. i am feeling either exhausted from an early morning or long day, guilty for having used my roommates conditioner for the millionth time in a row, scalding hot because it is winter and the landlords want to shut the white people up, or dirty due to my uncertainty about the last time the shower was cleaned.
i've had sex in showers. i've had great sex in showers. i've had great sex other places than showers. it's like ordering pancakes at brunch. i'm sure i'll enjoy it, but i have some legitimate reasons why i'd rather have a vegetarian omelet with home fries and wheat toast.
mostly though, i'm not having sex in showers because i'm not having sex.
i broke down and downloaded "let it go" from frozen and i feel great about it!