Wednesday, April 16, 2014

think of me fondly

"i'm glad mitt romney didn't win because my mom says that he wanted to take away the cat in the hat." - the six-year-old that i babysit, during an unrelated conversation

guess what an almost-empty subway car looks like!

"hold onto me"

you are the person sitting at the table drinking margaritas.
you are the person standing next to the table serving margaritas.


"a nascent aroma"

when the little boys mother came home, he ran over to the babysitter and shouted,

if i were a girl, i would want my baby to come out of my vagina. i wouldn't want them to cut a hole in my stomach and pull it out that way.

and the mother blushed.


what is the best food to eat before you have sex? 

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

fake mad leads to real mad

"love, even if it ends, you're going to be okay." - the woman i let cut me in line for the bathroom at a mexican restaurant in soho

this is what a child's birthday party on manhattan looks like.

even in spring, it's okay to blue

"real voodoo"

the sound

of a group of six-year-olds

running toward a shattered piƱata 

is the sound

of a group of adults

running on broken glass.


100% chance of rain today.

Monday, April 14, 2014

i'm all alone, there's no one home

"happy monday!" - no one

things change.

"we're taking this a little too far"

some mornings,
you wake up looking a certain way
and feel beautiful.

some mornings,
you wake up looking that same certain way
and feel repulsive.

and one morning you won't wake up.


being gay is great! and i hate buzzfeed.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

martyr to midwife

"the question is not, can they reason? nor, can they talk? but, can they suffer?" - jeremy bentham

let the karmic cycle of losing sunglasses begin.

amazing day to be a pigeon!

"it's just a shot away"

at first i thought

'break ups are hard.

it must be terrible to go through that


as i stared back at gwenyth paltrow

on the cover of us weekly.

then i thought

'it must be nice

to be wealthy.'


today, someone told me that i was doing a great job. it's not important what that was in reference to.

Friday, April 11, 2014

half mast

"you're lucky to be waiting somewhere by yourself." - the kid i babysit, to an almost-thirteen-year-old waiting outside his school for a ride

it's spring! leave all your sweaters in the subway station!

"on the road again"


about transgendered people


and adam's apples

and tracheal shaves

and fantasizing 

about a day when there aren't certain body parts

reserved for "women" or "men"

as i am stuck in traffic 

in a cab 

coming over the brooklyn bridge.


i had a blister on my wrist that was bothering me so i squeezed it and got bigger and bothered me more, so i squeezed it and it filled with blood and it bothered me even more, so i squeezed it again and it popped and now every time i move my wrist it stings and it bothers me way more than it did to start off with.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

something is cooking

"don't think about how big the universe is." - my friend, right before we both started thinking about how big the universe is

look how beautiful strawberries are

"stop making a big deal out of the little things"

on a clear night

gazing at the waxing moon

thinking about how on that foreign celestial mass

thousands of miles away

their flies a tiny american flag.


what if one day, the entire world decided to sleep in?

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

live, from a sex dungeon

"brevity is the soul of lingerie." - dorthy parker

this just in: bathrooms are now delineated by sex and profession 

"think about your troubles"

i use

so much plastic.

you use

so much plastic.


i bet it's fun to drive an ambulance.